My Hope and My Confidence

In yesterday's post - "My Glory and the Lifter of My Head" - I shared from Psalm 3:2-4, which says:

"Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him." Selah. But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. Selah."

This has turned out to be a special and relevant passage for me today.

Last night, Elena and I had a discussion which left me feeling quite depressed (no need to share specifics). I did not sleep well last night, and in the morning I was experiencing a lot of pain (it's always amazing how spirit affects body - when your spirit is low, your body's resistence is also low). Elena and Mum - and Dad (by phone from Sydney) - prayed for me this morning, and the pain went. I then went for a long walk with Mum, and she shared Psalm 71 with me, which she had been reading earlier in the day, and I'll be sharing this with you today. Verse 5 says:

"For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth."

This verse summarises the theme of the whole psalm. The Lord is my hope, despite the vagaries of the circumstances around me.

I'd encourage you to read the whole psalm, but I'm going to take it up particularly from verses 14-24:

14 But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you?
20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
22 I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God; I will sing praise to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you I, whom you have redeemed.
24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts all day long, for those who wanted to harm me have been put to shame and confusion.

I grabbed a hold of this psalm for myself this morning, and I felt my spirits rising. In fact, by the end of the walk, I was putting the psalm into practice and began proclaiming the Lord's mighty acts and proclaiming his righteousness. And that simple shift of focus is what did the trick.

It's so obvious that the enemy is seeking to attack on the spiritual plane. My confidence, however, remains in the Lord - "For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth." Today has been a lesson for me, once again, on keeping my heart guarded and my spirit focused on the Lord. And with that comes that beautiful promise in verse 20:

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up."

My Glory and the Lifter of My Head

Yesterday I began my second round of chemotherapy. This involves sitting in the oncology ward (comfortably in a recliner seat), while various liquids are fed intravaneously into your arm). The last of the infusions is a substance called cisplatin, which is a highly toxic substance designed to kill all fast-growing cells, which happens include cancerous cells (the intended victims) as well as good cells like blood cells (including the while blood cells that are the frontline of the human immune response system), hair follicle cells, stomach lining cells and other cells that turnover quickly).

As I was preparing to go to the hospital yesterday morning, I was feeling somewhat discouraged - just the normal feeling of being "down" due to the fact that I knew what was going to come. I had been experiencing such high energy levels over the last few days (on Monday night I had taken Jordan and Stephanie out to "Dark Zone" for a game of laser-gun battle games, and we had an absolute ton of fun - despite my legs absolutely aching right now!) Recent blood tests had given me a clean bill of health on all important indicators. My appetite has increased, together with my capacity to eat larger portions - I'm now capable of eating approximately twice as much as I could a month ago, an indication, I believe, of the gradual healing effect from the Lord. I had also been sleeping right through the night for the last several days, which is a wonderful gift from the Lord. But now, despite all these positive symptoms I now had to face a reversal again - increasing fatigue, potention nausea and a general feeling of malaise, which deduce quality of life and can occasionally be debilitating. I wasn't looking forward to this next 10 days, to say the least.

Yet as I had been praying over the last few days as to whether I should continue on the chemotherapy (I have the right to stop the treatment at any time I choose), I felt before the Lord that I should continue. At the end of the second round, I will be having an X-ray and CT scan, which will determine whether there has been any objective improvement in my condition, particularly in tumour size. And so, this next four weeks, for me, has become a focus in faith. I'm asking, seeking and knocking on the door of God's grace, and believing that by the time I have the next CT scan, a miracle will be documented for all to see.

Yet as I sat there in the recliner, with the cisplatin being pumped into my veins, I was talking to the Lord and expressing how discouraged I felt. Anyone who has been ill for a while, like I have, will know what I'm going through. I have hope in the Lord for his total healing, and continue to be encouraged by small injections of health and reversals of the enemy's attacks. But at the same time, there is a longing - an almost desperate, heart-wrenching longing, to see the full healing come about immediately. As Proverbs 13:12 says:"

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

And so this, I guess, is what I was feeling - my heart was feeling sick, due to a continuing deferrment of the hope. Abraham would have experienced this, of course - waiting 25 years for his hope to finally being fulfilled. And so I can learn a lesson from Abraham. In Romans 4:18, Paul writes:

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'So shall your offspring be.'"

After returning home, my parents laid hands on me and prayed for me, and I felt an immediate injection of faith and hope. I then got online and checked out some of my email, and there were so many emails of encouragement, far too many to list here. But one email in particular, from my friend Andrew Wan, stuck out. In his email, he quoted 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 in the Amplfied Bible:

Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day. For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!], Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.

Paul had every reason to be discouraged, and yet he recognised that there was an inner dynamic which overrode the outer deterioration he was experiencing. This "inner self" was "being [progressively] renewed day by day." And he described his current difficulties as being a "light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour)." What seems eternal (the suffering and difficulties) are in fact momentary, but they are "abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calcuations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!]."

Wow! That's enough to lift anyone out of discouragement! And I realised that what happens at times like this is a change of perspective and a change of focus. When discouraged, my eyes become self-focused and my perspective narrows to my own feelings and circumstances. But along comes the Lord, who lifts me out of such a small package of self-focus and returns my eyes to the eternal perspective. Paul expressed this same technique of comparison (comparing the momentary troubles with the eternal glory) in the verses that proceed 2 Corinthians 4:16-17, again in The Amplified Bible. In 2 Corinthians 4:8-15, he writes very descriptively of the nature of the "momentary troubles" he was in:

"We are hedged in (pressed) on every side [troubled and oppressed in every way], but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair; We are pursued (persecuted and hard driven), but not deserted [to stand alone]; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed; Always carrying about in the body the liability and exposure to the same putting to death that the Lord Jesus suffered, so that the [resurrection] life of Jesus also may be shown forth by and in our bodies. For we who live are constantly [experiencing] being handed over to death for Jesus' sake, that the [resurrection] life of Jesus also may be evidenced through our flesh which is liable to death. Thus death is actively at work in us, but it is in order that [our] life [may be actively at work] in you. Yet we have the same spirit of faith as he had who wrote, I have believed, and therefore have I spoken. We too believe, and therefore we speak, Assured that He Who raised up the Lord Jesus will raise us up also with Jesus and bring us [along] with you into His presence. For all [these] things are [taking place] for your sake, so that the more grace (divine favor and spiritual blessing) extends to more and more people and multiplies through the many, the more thanksgiving may increase [and redound] to the glory of God."

In Psalm 3:2-4, David writes:

"Many are saying of me, 'God will not deliver him.' Selah. But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. Selah."

God has this wonderful capacity to "lift the head" at times of hardship, and what do I lift my head to? I lift my head to set my eyes upon the Lord! It is in times of great difficulty that I discover God as "my glory and the lifter of mine head" (Psalm 3:3, KJV).

Announcement - Next Round of Chemotherapy

This morning, at 9am, I'm heading into Box Hill Hospital for the start of my second cycle of chemotherapy, starting with an infusion of cisplatin.

Over this last week, I've gradually seen an increase of energy, which is a fantastic feeling, but this will be the first casualty of chemotherapy, and so as you can appreciate, I'm not looking forward to this next round of treatment.

I'd appreciate you joining with me in prayer again. During the last round, the Lord so clearly helped me and my symptoms were relatively minor, and now I'm asking the Lord for the same grace this time around: no nausea, an increase in appetite (appetite usually drops to near zero during chemotherapy), increase in physical strength (fatigue is by far the biggest factor to contend with), and an absense of the general malaise that usually accompanies chemotherapy.

Thanks so much for your support in prayer at this time.

David

My Mother's Journey - Part 4

Before you read the next installment of My Mother's Journey, please read the previous installments...

My Mother's Journey - Part 1
My Mother's Journey - Part 2
My Mother's Journey - Part 3

I finished my last post on my journey through David's battle with cancer with that wonderful scripture, found in 2 Corinthians 1:20:

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God."

In the weeks that have followed since, I have spent much time in prayer, seeking the Lord, waiting on Him and calling out to Him. Every day He has opened to me wonderful promises in His Word for David's healing, words of great encouragement, each day emphasising what He has already spoken to my heart and then giving fresh promises from His Word. There are too many to list here, but as I read through the Gospel accounts and the book of Acts again I was amazed how they are filled with the miraculous healing ministry of Jesus, continued on through his disciples. I've been reading the psalms (particularly those of David) and again been amazed at how many times David called out to the Lord for His miraculous intervention in his physical being and each time the Lord answered.

The Scripture is full of promises from the Lord to heal his people. It seemed that as I prayed and cried out to the Lord I would begin to read the Word and there would be the answer - His promise of healing. Having since read David's post of February 7th - "Entering into a Daily Conversation with God" - I recognise now that the Lord has been "in conversation" with me all this time.

Through these weeks there have also been times of the enemy attacking my faith but, not allowing myself to entertain these thoughts, each time the Lord has brought His promises back to my heart and my faith has again risen and, rather than having a negative effect, the attack has caused it to become stronger.

Two times, however, these challenges of the Enemy were overwhelming. Once as a friend, concerned about David, began talking of the overwhelming power of cancer and how many she knew who have been taken by it. The "dagger" of fear struck hard into my spirit. The whole next day it remained there. As I cried out to the Lord that night the "still, small voice" of the Lord spoke gently to my heart...

"Whose word do you believe?"

It was so simple and so clear, I smiled to myself - "Of course, Lord - yours". All fear left.

The second time was just 6 days ago...February 14th. Paul and I were out for dinner together. The restaurant was crowded, filled with young couples celebrating Valentines Day. I knew David had taken Elena out for this special evening and as I thought about him, suddenly, unexplainably, uncontrollable tears began to flow. Try as I might I could not control them. I went quickly to the ladies room where, fortunately, I was alone. I sobbed my heart out to the Lord. As I wept, the thought came to my mind "Are you willing to let him go?" I did not know if this was the Lord or not. I knew this would be the counsel some would give me. I was again "in conversation" with the Lord. I knew I had to be honest. "If that is you, Lord...no, I am not willing. I will not let him go". It's hard to put into words what followed. All I know is I had a sense that the Lord smiled and the words came strongly to my heart...

"It's the children's bread".

I immediately remembered the account of the Canaanite woman who came to Jesus to ask Him to heal her daughter (Matthew 15:21-28). How nothing would deter her. You will remember she was first ignored by the Lord (verse 23), rejected by the disciples (verse 23) and finally seemingly insulted by the Lord (verse 26). But her persistence resulted in the Lord answering her request and her daughter being healed. She would not take no for an answer and Jesus commended her for the persistence of her faith. I knew this was why I had sensed the Lord's smile at my determination not to let David go. Persistent faith never gives up! "It's the children's bread" was how the Lord described healing to the Canaanite woman and I knew the Lord was saying that healing belonged to David by right because he is a child of God.

Two other accounts came to mind at the same time...the man who persistently knocked on his friend's door until he gave him the bread he needed for his guests (Luke 11:5-10) and the widow who persistently "bothered" the unjust judge until he gave her justice (Luke 18:1-8). For me, the Lord's words in verses 7-8 applied to David's healing...

"And will not God bring about [healing] for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get [healing], and quickly..."

In my mind's eye I saw these three accounts combined and I determined before the Lord to persistently "knock" until I had received "the children's bread" (David's healing). I suddenly understood Jesus' words in Matthew 7:7 as expounded in The Amplified Version, more fully...

"Ask [and keep on asking] and it will be given you; seek [and keep on seeking] and you will find; knock [and keep on knocking] and the door will be opened to you."

I had always understood and experienced faith as ask once and then thank the Lord. And yes, this is true faith in operation. It is faith based on His Word, personally received, and the knowledge that He is faithful to His Word. I have seen the Lord bring many wonderful answers to this kind of faith. But now I was learning another dimension of faith. I had thought that to keep on asking, to keep on knocking, indicated you didn't believe the Lord had heard you, and certainly this would be the case if that is what you believed. But now I realise the "keep on" is also true faith in action. It is faith based on an understanding of who He is. The Canaanite woman didn't give up because she knew Jesus was the Son of David (Matthew 15:22). Her persistence was because she knew who Jesus was. She knew He was the Christ, the Son of God, the one sent to bring salvation, healing and restoration to mankind and, as a Gentile, her faith actually broke the "time barrier" (verse 24).

I have known this truth for so long but suddenly saw it in a dimension I had never seen it before. It was an overwhelming revelation. Joy replaced my tears. I went back to Paul in the restaurant with an understanding of persistent faith like I have never had before.

In my first post I mentioned how, on first receiving the news of David's condition, my cry to the Lord was "I stand on who you are, Lord!" This has been a continual declaration as I have been in prayer but now I understand it in a far greater way. Because the Lord is a holy, righteous, compassionate God, full of love and grace. Because He is the Lord Almighty and all power is in His hands. Because He is the Lord of Heaven and Earth. Because He so loves David He took all David's suffering upon Himself on the Cross. Because of all He has promised and all He has done through the Cross and the Resurrection. Because He is Who He is. Because He is God, I keep on "knocking" in faith until the "children's bread" is in David's hands and the complete manifested healing is his.

The Anointing Breaks the Yoke

I've noticed a dynamic at play when I'm preaching the Word of God. Before I get up to preach, I often feel physically weak, and after I've preached (usually an hour or so later), I generally feel quite exhausted, but while I'm preaching, I actually feel 100% well and 100% healthy!

Now on one level, this is simply the result of an answer to prayer. For example, the first time I preached a full sermon after my latest trip to hospital, I had to sit down during most of the worship in song. One of the songs, I remember, was "Let the Weak Say I am Strong", and at the time I made this a real prayer before the Lord. James 1:5 instructs us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." Well, I believe this verse applies to other areas of lack as well, and I paraphrased it in this way:

"If any of you lacks [physical strength], he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

And when I began to minister God's Word, I literally felt the physical strength of God energise me. This is not just the result of an "adrenaline rush" or some physiological effect - I believe it is very much a practical expression of God's grace flooding into my physical body

If you'd like to see what I'm talking, you can see me "in action" last Sunday by watching the video, "The Lazarus Lesson". What you'll notice, when you watch is that I look healthy and full of energy. There is no way to "fake" this (considering that just prior to my taking the pulpit, I was feeling extremely weak). In fact, I had people come up to me afterwards and, tongue in cheek, as me if I was really ill, because looking at me there was no indication of ill health whatsoever.

Now the reason why I mention this is because it set me thinking. Yesterday, the Lord spoke to me from Isaiah about the principle of "rising on the wings of an eagle" (see "Wings of Eagles"). And I really experienced that yesterday, even though later in the morning I had a "reversal" which was a very clear demonic attack (more on this in a moment). But as I was praying and applying the "eagle" principle, the Lord again drew my attention to the phenomenon I experience each time I preach God's Word. In short, what I'm experiencing is the "anointing" of God's Spirit, which simply means that God's grace, through the empowering of the Holy Spirit, comes upon me to enable me to fulfill a task through His strength and gifting. It's an experience I frequently have when ministering, but I suddenly realised that this "anointing" of the Holy Spirit is not designed just for the odd occasion behind the pulpit. Rather, it is an experience we are meant to walk in on a daily basis.

In Ephesians 5:18 says:

"Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit."

The expectation is that we should be "filled with the Spirit" as a daily, ongoing experience. This is echoed in 1 John 2:27, which says:

"As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit - just as it has taught you, remain in him."

This anointing (of the Holy Spirit), says John, remains in us, and teaches us to remain in him. In other words, there is a connection between the experience of being "anointed" by God's Spirit and the act of "remaining" or "abiding" in the Lord, something that Jesus himself taught in John 15:4-8.

You'll remember from yesterday's post that the "eagle principle" of Isaiah 40:28-31 is that we are to "mount up [close to God]" in the same way that eagles "mount up to the sun." The picture is, once again, of "abiding" or "remaining" close to the Lord. Out of this closeness comes the anointing of God's own strength and power.

As I entered the day yesterday, I really took Isaiah 40:28-31 to heart. The first part of the morning was very much defined by the Lord's strength and empowering. But later in the morning, while I was waiting for a blood test, I got hit by fatigue and illness "like a sledgehammer." In fact, I haven't felt so ill since the days before my last admittance to hospital. My mum (who is presently in Melbourne) picked me up from the clinic and drove me home, and my dad prayed for me over the phone. After a rest, however, I was soon back on my feet, applying the principle of Isaiah 40:28-31. What I realised at the time was that this was the enemy's challenge to God's Word, and so I stood firm in what God had spoken to me that morning. And the rest of the day was very much a day empowered by God's strength.

In Isaiah 10:27 (NKJV), the prophet declared:

"It shall come to pass in that day that his burden will be taken away from your shoulder, and his yoke from your neck, and the yoke will be destroyed because of the anointing oil."

The anointing of God's Spirit, which I experience in public ministry, is also, I believe, the key to my healing. I'm asking the Lord for his anointing to be on my life today, so that I can experience the 100% health and 100% strength that can only come from him. Today, Micah 3:8 is my personal declaration:

"But as for me, I am filled with power, with the Spirit of the LORD..."

Wings of Eagles

This morning I was up somewhat early again (5 am), after a not-so-restful night. In fact, fatigue is the biggest battle I'm facing at the moment. I'm not sleeping well at nights (a side-effect of my medication), and generally I'm napping 3-4 times during the day, for about an hour at a time, but I wake up feeling just as exhausted as before the sleep. For this reason, it's been more difficult this week keeping up with the pace of daily writing on my blog, and so I've "pulled back on the reins" a little this week (although I'm still believing the Lord to be able to keep up with a one-post-per-day pace).

This week I finished my first round of chemotherapy, and I now have a week's rest from the chemo medication before beginning the second round of chemotherapy on Wednesday, February 22. Once again, I'm looking to the Lord for his special grace: 1) for the manifestation of full healing; and 2) for strength to face the next round of potential fatigue and malaise that results directly from the chemotherapy itself.

To tell you the truth, I'm so "tired" of feeling tired! Sometimes I "chomp at the bit", wanting to get back into the flow of things as soon as possible. I'm an active person (one who all too easily defines my sense of success and satisfaction in terms of what I'm accomplishing), and to be in a position where I have to put things on the backburner is not a comfortable lifestyle for me. But then, that's all part of the work of God in my life at the moment. I'm learning, albeit slowly, that it's in the "being", not the "doing", that God places his priority.

This morning, my brother Carlos Durán (who together with Caren Almeida and Enrique Morató is working on translating this blog into Spanish at http://elviajedc.blogspot.com), sent me an email, and highlighted Isaiah 40:28-31:

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

And so this morning I decided to spend time meditating on this passage. The first thing I did was check it out in The Message, which puts it this way:

"Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
GOD doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind."

And revealing Isaiah 40:28-31 in all its deeper nuances, The Amplified Bible translates this passage thus:

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired."

I like that. The Lord first reveals himself as "the Creator of the ends of the earth" and the One who "does not faint or grow weary," but doesn't leave the revelation there. As always, this revelation of God's attributes is then translated into practical meaning for me on a day-to-day basis. God is the One who "energizes those who get tired" and gives "fresh strength" to those who "wait upon GOD" (The Message). He is the God who "increases strength [causing it to multiply and making it to abound]" for those who "stumble and fall exhausted" (The Amplified Bible). And He is the One who causes "the faint and weary" to be able to "lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]" (The Amplified Bible).

This is something that I had never seen before. As the Amplified Bible brings out, the picture is one of an eagle lifting its wings and mounting up "to the sun", which pictures the act of a believer lifting his spiritual wings and mounting up "close to God"! Do you notice the vital secret being revealed here? It is in mounting up "close to God" that the believer experiences an infusion of God's strength. This is explained in Isaiah 40:31 (The Amplified Bible) as the act of to "wait for the Lord [...expect, look for, and hope in Him]." Thus the lesson I gleaned from this passage today is that God wants me to have a "close to God" experience today...that is where divine strength is found!

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus extended this invitation:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Interestingly, this brings me back full circle to the very first post on this blog, back on 12 October 2005.

Read "The Invitation"

Once again, the secret to finding true rest (and strength) in the Lord is in coming close to him! And this closeness is described by Jesus as being "yoked" to him, in the same way as two oxen are yoked together as they pull the plough.

I'm amazed again by Jesus' statement that his yoke is "easy" and "light." This is, quite obviously, because in this "yoked" experience, he carries the heaviest load for me!

So, Lord, I want to respond to that invitation today. I do not just want to take your yoke upon me, but I also want to learn from you. Teach me to come close in times of weariness so that I can "mount up" on spiritual wings, like an eagle. I want to be empowered by eagle wings today. I want to run and not be weary, and walk and not faint. So I choose to wait on you.

Announcement - A Word of Explanation

I'm presently finishing off my latest post, which should be ready in the morning (my time), but I thought it would be good at this point to explain my current situation.

My intention is to complete one post a day, when able (although there are, of course, times, such as my last hospital stay, when this is not possible). But there are days when I need to contend with fatigue (and this has been the case this last week). On some days, I need relatively little rest (sometimes one sleep in the afternoon is all I need); but on other days, I may sleep several times during the day (such as today). This obviously disrupts my writing routine, making it difficult on those days to keep up with a once-a-day pace for posting on the blog. While I count it a joy to write the blog, it is also important not to push myself too hard (something I can all too easily do).

For example, I had originally hoped to catch up with some back-dated posts this week, but it's obvious at this point that this is impractical (by the way, a few have asked me why some of the recent posts show dates that a week old, and no, there's no glitch - I had just back-dated them). So starting tomorrow, my posts will come as usual, on the day they were written. And I will still aim to post once a day, when able. But if I'm unable to do so, due to fatigue, I may skip a day or occasionally two. I won't make an announcement to that effect unless the delay is, for any reason, extended beyond a couple of days.

Thanks for your understanding.

Video - The Lazarus Lesson

I've uploaded a video of me preaching last Sunday's message on "The Lazarus Lesson" (which has been the subject of the last three posts). It's a 30MB .WMV file, but if you to view it, click on the link below:

Video - The Lazarus Lesson

Entering into a Daily Conversation with God

Over the last two days, I have written two parts to a three part series, based on my ministry last Sunday morning. These three parts are:

1. Outside of the Box


2. Translating Theology Into Life


3. Entering into a Daily Conversation with God

This morning, I'm going to share the third and last installment of my Sunday message.

So far, we've noted two important lessons that have emerged from the story of John 11:

• The ever-present God refuses to be boxed by our expectations, and because of his on-going work in our lives, will tend to act "outside of the box" of our presumptions, doing unexpected things that further his purpose in our lives.

• The ever-present God does not allow us to hide behind abstract theology, but continually challenges us to translate that theology into the faith that applies to the here and now.

Let's now take a closer look at Jesus' interaction with Martha to learn more of the actual process he used in taking Martha from her starting-point faith (in his identity as "the healer") to a new level of faith (in his identity as "the resurrection and the life"), or leading her in a process of, as The Amplified Bible renders Romans 1:17, "springing from faith and leading to faith [disclosed through the way of faith that arouses to more faith]..."

As we saw yesterday, Martha's first words to Jesus upon his arrive at the outskirts of Bethany had probably been well rehearsed. As she had waited for Jesus to come, Martha had likely gone over what she would say to Jesus in her mind, and when he finally did arrive, those words were: "Lord...if you had been here, my brother would not have died." But what interests me most is what immediately follows that statement, for in John 11:22, Martha says:"But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." This, as we saw yesterday, was the seed of faith which the Lord would now focus on. From this tiny seed would germinate a new and deeper level of faith.

As I read John 11:21-27, I realised that Jesus' interaction with Martha took place in the form of a conversation - a series of questions and answers:

• Martha starts of with a "loaded" statement: ""Lord...if you had been here, my brother would not have died" (John 11:21). But this statement contains a hidden question: "Why didn't you come earlier?"

• Martha closes her first statement with a declaration of faith: "But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask" (John 11:22).

• Jesus responds to Martha's opening statement with a statement of his own: "Your brother will rise again" (John 11:23).

• Martha replies with her own theological interpretation of Jesus' statement: "I know [my brother] will rise again in the resurrection at the last day" (John 11:24).

• Jesus answers with a statement that aims to reshape Martha's theology and apply it to the here-and-now: "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die..." (John 11:25-26).

• Jesus finishes his declaration with a question: "Do you believe this?" (John 11:26). This question is the pivot point in Jesus' conversation with Martha. In fact, it is the primary reason why Jesus delayed his return - in order to bring Martha (and others) to this point of faith (note John 11:15, 42).

• Martha replies: "Yes, Lord...I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world" (John 11:27). This is what Jesus was after. Martha is no longer using abstract theology to sidestep the implications of Jesus' delay, but fully recognises that the answer to her crisis fully lies within the person of the Lord Jesus. She doesn't yet fully understand the reasons for Jesus' actions, but her faith is fully focused on him.

This interaction between Jesus and Martha reveals how God works in our lives. The Lord seeks to enter a conversation with us, a conversation that has a goal - the nurturing and deepening of our faith in him. Right now, you too are in the midst of a conversation with the Lord. Your situation is different from Martha's, yet the Lord is speaking with you, just as he did with Martha.

There are only three kinds of responses you can make to this "conversation" with God:

• "No!" - This effectively closes the conversation, like slamming a book shut. At at later time, the Lord will seek to reopen the conversation with you, but for now, you've closed the work of God in your live. For obvious reasons, I don't recommend this response.

• "Why?" - This is the open-ended part of the conversation. This is where you give the Lord the opportunity to speak into your life, deepening your faith and drawing you into a new revelation of who he is. I used to think that all that was required was a "yes" and then God would get on with doing what he wanted to do in my life (specifically, thought I, bringing the answer to my need), but now I realise that this is actually the most important element in the conversation. While I don't recommend dragging this part of the conversation out unnecessarily, I now understand that it is in this middle part of the "conversation sandwich" where real revelation takes place. So don't be afraid to ask questions and unburden your heart to the Lord. It is only as we ask the hard "why" questions that we discover depths in the Lord we have never seen before.

• "Yes!" - This is ultimately what the Lord is after...but not just a perfunctory "yes" spoken out of obligation ("Well, I better say 'yes' to God, otherwise I don't have faith..."). This "yes" must be a "yes" born out of a genuine revelation of who the Lord is.

Like "No!", a response of "Yes!" effectively closes the conversation with the Lord, but on a positive note. The work of revelation is now complete, and faith in God, based on this new revelation, is now the key force. Once the conversation is complete, God then gets to work to bring the answer he has purposed to bring (although there are times when the conversation is actually not yet over, and God is still continuing his work of deepening our faith - this is called "the trial of faith" - 1 Peter 1:6-7; James 1:2-4). For Martha, her "Yes, Lord" was the point at which the work of God switched gears and moved toward the resurrection event that he knew was his reason for coming to Bethany (see John 11:11).

In John 11:28-29, we read what happens after Jesus finished his conversation with Martha:

"And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. 'The Teacher is here,' she said, 'and is asking for you.' When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him."

I find it interesting that Jesus now asked specifically for Mary (even those he chose to wait at the outskirts of the village - John 11:30). Mary came to Jesus, and John 11:32 records what happened next:

"When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.'"

Do you notice that Mary's first words are identical to Martha's original first words? From this we can see two things:

1. Martha and Mary had the same question as their starting point (they had obviously rehearsed the same question together in the days waiting for Jesus to arrive).

2. Mary had not been part of the conversation Jesus had already had with Martha, and so Jesus' conversation with Mary began again at the same point of entry.

And do you notice how Jesus responds? His conversation with Mary takes a totally different direction, because Mary's need was different from Martha's, for John 11:33 tells us that Jesus was "deeply moved in spirit and troubled", resulting in John 11:35 (the shortest verse in the Bible and, I believe, one of the most profound):

"Jesus wept."

I believe that the work God was doing in Mary's life, unlike Martha's, did not require the spoken word but rather identification. Rather than speaking into Mary's life, Jesus answered her hidden question by opening his heart and weeping with her. The conversation that Jesus entered into with Mary was one without words.

In John 5:17, Jesus declared:

"My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working."

Jesus, who is "the same yesterday, today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8), is at work in your life in the here-and-now. He seeks to enter into a conversation with you, just as he did with Martha and Mary. In fact, every day represents either the continuation of an existing conversation with the Lord, or the beginning of a new one.

I encourage you to start each day with this conversation in mind. What is the Lord saying to you? What unresolved questions do you have to ask the Lord? For out of this daily conversation will emerge a unique work of God, tailor-made for your need and your situation.

Translating Theology Into Life

Yesterday I shared the first part of a three part series, based on my ministry on Sunday morning. These three parts are:

1. Outside of the Box


2. Translating Theology Into Life


3. Entering into a Daily Conversation with God

This morning, I'm going to share the second installment of my Sunday message.

As we saw yesterday in John 11, by the time Jesus finally arrives in Bethany, Lazarus has been dead for four days. Jesus had delayed his return to Bethany on purpose, in order that God's work would take a unique and special turn in the lives of both his disciples and of Lazarus' sisters, Martha and Mary.

Now let's take a closer look at the conversation that takes place between Jesus and Martha. While still outside the village, Martha meets Jesus, obviously wanting to have a private conversation with him. She wanted to say things to Jesus outside the earshot of the crowds of mourners. Her first words in John 11:21 had been, I believe, rehearsed over the last four days as she had waited for Jesus to arrive:

"Lord...if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

There is more than a strong hint of accusation in her words. Essentially, Martha is saying, "You've failed me, Lord. If you had done what I had expected, none of this would have happened."

Martha is often remembered as being the sister who "missed the point" in Luke 10:38-42. Unlike Mary, who prioritised a disciple-like relationship with Jesus by sitting at his feet, Martha had been "distracted by all the preparations that had to be made" (Luke 10:40). She had become "worried and upset about many things" (Luke 10:41) and had thus missed out on the "one thing [that] is needed" (Luke 10:42). Her mistake had been to prioritise doing over being, activity over relationship, ministry over discipleship.

But John 11:21-27 reveals another facet of Martha. It is wrong to say that she didn't have faith, or even had a lower expression of faith than Mary, for this passage reveals that Martha's faith in Jesus was very real. Note even her words in John 11:21:

"Lord...if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

Martha had no question that if Jesus had've come prior to Lazarus' death, he would have been healed. Her faith in the healing ministry of Jesus was absolute, and it is here that we see the beginning glimpse of the reason why Jesus delayed his return. For Jesus wanted to take Martha beyond her present expression of faith into a whole new dimension.

This is the way God works in our lives. He always works from where we are, taking us from the known into the unknown, from one level of faith to the next. He takes us from our present point of faith and begins to stretch that faith, drawing out from us a greater depth of faith. As Romans 1:17 (NKJV) puts it:

"For in [the Gospel] the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, The just shall live by faith."

The Amplified Bible renders Romans 1:17 in this way:

"For in the Gospel a righteousness which God ascribes is revealed, both springing from faith and leading to faith [disclosed through the way of faith that arouses to more faith]..."

The starting place of the work of God for Martha was where she was in her understanding and faith in Jesus. So let's take a closer look at where she was when Jesus met her on the outskirts of the village.

After making a guarded accusation, which revealed her basic faith in Jesus, Martha goes on in John 11:22 to make this remarkable statement:

"But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."

I'm totally amazed by that sentence. What an incredible declaration of faith in the midst of grief, disappointment and disillusionment! And there we see the seed of faith - that "mustard seed" faith (Matthew 17:20) - which Jesus will begin to massage into something deeper and more profound. This is the starting point of the "from faith to faith" experience for Martha, the "springing from faith and leading to faith" process in her life.

In reply to this simple statement of faith, Jesus makes a counter statement in John 11:23:

"Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise again.'"

Just five words, but with a profound significance for Martha's situation. We look at those five words, and know, because we know the end of the story, that Jesus is talking about a miracle he is going to perform shortly - the resurrection of Lazarus, the reversal of death, the answer to Martha's deepest cry. But Martha doesn't know that. Those five words are, to her, a general statement, and so she responds in the only way that she knows how. In John 11:24, she answers:

"I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."

Martha's reply is 100% theologically correct. No one can fault her theology. As a Jew, influenced by the Pharisaic school (as most of the common people in her day were), she believed in a final resurrection of the dead, which would occur when the Messiah came. This is the theology that Jesus himself taught (see Matthew 22:23-33; Luke 14:13-14) and that the New Testament continues to teach (see 1 Corinthians 15; Philippians 3:20-21; Revelation 20:4-6).

But the coming of Jesus threw a theological spanner into the works. For Jesus' ministry involved taking a hold of the future kingdom of God and bringing it into real life in the here and now. His ministry translated the theology of the future (what is often called "eschatalogical") into a theology of the present. For example, when asked by John the Baptist for reassurance that he indeed was the promised Messiah, Jesus pointed to the miraculous element of his ministry in Luke 7:22-23:

"Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."

Although we cannot fault Martha's theology, without realising it, Martha had used her theology to sidestep Jesus' question. And we too can easily fall into the trap of having a lazy theology - a theology focused on a distant future event rather than the on-going, present work of God in our lives. And so, in reply to Martha's theologically correct but practically irrelevant answer, Jesus begins to redirect her faith. In John 11:25-26, he answers:

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die..."

You will notice that Jesus is no longer talking about an abstract theology of the resurrection; he is talking about an incarnated theology of the resurrection. He has taken a future event and personalised it in himself. He isn't merely saying, "I will initiate the great resurrection of the dead on the last day." He is saying, "I am the core of that resurrection event, and I am standing before you right now."

This is not the first time Jesus had made such a declaration. Earlier in John 5:21, Jesus had said:

"For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son gives life to whom he is pleased to give it."

And he had taken this a step further in John 5:25-29, when he declared:

"I tell you the truth, a time is coming and has now come when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God and those who hear will live. For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son to have life in himself...Do not be amazed at this, for a time is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice and come out - those who have done good will rise to live, and those who have done evil will rise to be condemned."

Did you notice that phrase "and has now come" which Jesus inserted into his declaration? This was no mere "theology of the future" that Jesus was proclaiming; he was introducing a "theology of the present" centred around himself. It is the Son of God who has "life in himself". It is the voice of Jesus which will initiate the resurrection event, not just in the future, but in the here and now.

After Jesus has declared to Martha that he himself is "the resurrection and the life", he finishes his declaration with an all-important question:

"Do you believe this?"

What Jesus is doing is challenging Martha to move beyond general theology to specific theology. It is easy to assert belief in the general. To the question, "Do you believe in God?" the average person will answer, "Yes." But it's an entirely different matter to answer the question, "Do you believe God is personally interested in your life and has specific expectations of you now." It's one thing to answer the question, "Do you believe God is all-powerful?" with a "yes"; it's entirely a different thing to answer the question, "Do you believe God is all-powerful in your situation now?"

Ask the average person on the street, "Do you believe that Jesus died on a cross?" and it would be a rare person to answer with a "no". Yet the question, "Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross for you?" is a question of an entirely different order. This is because we are now moving from generalised theology to personalised theology, from the remote to the intimate, from the undemanding to the demanding. Rather than being an abstract armchair discussion of theology, this personalised theology touches us where we live, and we cannot escape its consequences and implications.

And so to this question, Martha replies in John 11:27:

"Yes, Lord...I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world."

Once again, Martha's answer is theologically correct, yet now it is focused on the person of Jesus. And here we see once again the germ of Martha's basic faith. She doesn't understand what's going on; she doesn't even fully understand the implications of her theology. All she does understand is that the one standing before her is the promised Messiah, the one to whom "even now God will give you whatever you ask."

I believe that Martha at this point is beginning to express true faith. She's not hiding behind her theology, but facing the implications of her theology in the present situation. For her, all that counts is that Jesus is "the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world." And this core faith is now enough for Jesus to work on. He is going to help that faith blossom into something new and fresh for Martha. And so tomorrow, we'll explore the actual process and result of this work in Martha's life.

Outside of the Box

This morning I ministered at the ECC 10.45 am service, and I want to share with you a little of what I preached on, since it was, I believe, a significant message. I'm going to break my message up, however, into a few bite-sized chunks, focusing a specific point of revelation each time.

The three elements of my message, which we'll be exploring over the next three days, are titled:

1. Outside of the Box


2. Translating Theology Into Life


3. Entering into a Daily Conversation with God

Let's take a look at the first section this morning.

In John 11, we find the famous story of Lazarus. The story starts in verse 1:

"Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha."

Jesus' response to this illness is recorded in verse 4:

"When he heard this, Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.'"

Jesus then proceeds to delay his return to Bethany - a deliberate action that is not immediately understood by either his disciples or Lazarus' family. As verses 5-6 explains:

"Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days."

If Jesus loved this family so much, why cause them worry and grief? At first glance, this doesn't seem to be an action consistent with love. But in verse 15, Jesus finally explains to his disciples the reason for this delay:

"...for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."

The first important lesson I picked up in this story is that God refuses to be boxed. There is something unpredictable about the Lord's actions, at least from a cursory, shallow, human perspective. Anyone would have quite rightly expected that Jesus, because of his love for Lazarus, would have immediately dropped everything he was doing to go and heal his friend. This expectation is actually stated clearly later by the Jewish mourners (see John 11:36-27).

When we look at healing in general, we also need to take this basic understanding of God's character into account. How easy it is to stereotype God's actions and presume that he will act in a particular way. In fact, we have a lazy tendency to search out formulaic patterns in how God acts, and then seek to mimic these formulas as a kind of shortcut to getting God to act on our behalf. But as I've studied the ministry of Jesus, I've been surprised at just how frequently Jesus defied people's expectations of him. And just how difficult it is to reduce his healing ministry to a set of easy-to-learn formulae. Just take a look at the different ways he healed - the actual methods he used - and see if you can discern any kind of rigid pattern:

• Jesus touches the hand of Peter's mother-in-law and the fever leaves immediately (Matthew 8:14-15).


• Jesus commands healing from a distance (Matthew 8:5-13).


• Jesus touches a leper, and he is cured immediately (Matthew 8:2-3).


• Jesus drives out evil spirits with a word, not allowing them to speak (Matthew 5:16; 17:18).


• Jesus converses with a legion of demons, before casting them out (Luke 8:27-33).


• Jesus encounters ten lepers who "stood at a distance" and, without coming near them, Jesus gives specific instructions to them, and the lepers are cured "as they went" (Luke 17:11-19).


• Jesus forgives the paralytic's sins before healing him (Matthew 9:2-8).


• Jesus touches the eyes of two blind men and they are instantly healed (Matthew 9:27-31; 20:29-34).


• Jesus merely commands healing to a blind man, without touching him, and he sees (Luke 18:35-42).


• Jesus spits in the eye of another blind man, tells him to wash in the Pool of Siloam, and after his obedience, the blind man sees (John 9:1-7).


• On another occasion, Jesus leads the blind man out of the town "by the hand", first spits on his eyes (which results in a partial healing), and then lays hands on him, at which time the man is fully healed (Mark 8:23-25).


• Jesus drives out a demon and then a mute man speaks (Matthew 9:32-33).


• Another time, Jesus drives out a demon and then a blind-mute sees and speaks (Matthew 12:22).


• On one occasion, Jesus was "laying his hands on each one" when he healed the sick (Luke 4:30).


• Jesus first commands a crippled woman to be healed, then lays his hands on her (Luke 13:10-13).


• Jesus heals a man with dropsy by "taking hold of the man" (Luke 14:4).


• Jesus heals a crippled man simply by commanding him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk!" (John 5:1-9).


• A woman with an issue of blood simply touches the hem of Jesus' garment and is healed (Matthew 9:20-22; see also Matthew 14:35-36).


• Jesus takes a dead girl by the hand and raises her back to life (Matthew 9:18-26).


• Jesus touches the coffin, then commands the young man back to life (Luke 7:14-15).


• And as we shall see, in Lazarus' case, Jesus simply stands at a distance and commands the dead man to come out of the grave (John 11:43-44).

No wonder when the disciples failed to cast out an evil spirit one time (see Mark 9:17-29), they had to ask Jesus privately, "Why couldn't we do it?" They had watched Jesus cast out the spirit successfully, probably watching carefully for which part of the formula they had missed, yet had drawn a blank. This was because they were focused on external formulae and had missed the underlying dynamic - which Jesus identified as being because of two interrelated reasons: 1) a lack of faith (Matthew 17:19-20) and 2) a lack of a consistent prayer life (Mark 9:29). You see, when it comes to healing in your life, Jesus goes beyond the formulae of "doing it right" (external action) to the dynamic of "getting it right" (internal condition). This is Jesus' way. And as you read John 11:15,25,42, you see that this is Jesus' primary target: "That you might believe."

Most people think of faith in terms of a specific expectation they have of God - and a specific request. In other words, I have faith that God will do one specific thing for me. But there is, I believe, another dimension of faith which is more properly translated as "trust." I trust God to be for me everything he has promised to be. I trust God will heal me, as he has promised, even though the exact form of that healing is not yet know. In that sense, this dimension of faith gives permission for God to be God - to act outside of the box of our expectations, or even demands.

By the time Jesus finally arrives in Bethany, Lazarus has been dead for four days (John 11:17,39). Martha struggled with this. By delaying his return, Jesus had defied her reasonable expectations of him. We see this internal struggle evident in her first words to Jesus. "If only," she said, "you had come earlier, my brother would not have died. If only you had done what I thought you would do..." (see John 11:21).

We automatically set boundaries for God, because we want to set boundaries for our own lives. We seek to box him in, because we want to make him safe and controllable and understandable and non-threatening. But God refuses those boundaries; he defies the box we build for him. In fact, life with God can be unsettling, because he is not the God of the Status Quo. His aim in your life is not just to bless you, but to transform you (this is such an important subject, and one that God is speaking so clearly to me about at the moment, that I will take this up in more detail in a future post - one I'll probably call "The Danger Zone").

In tomorrow's post, I'm going to explore in more detail on the actual transformative process that Martha and Mary experienced in John 11. But for now, let me underline again this crucial understanding of how God works in our lives. God's purpose in your life is not to make you happy; it is to make you like himself (happiness is a byproduct of this process). His goal is not to make you safe and secure in your comfort zone; his goal is to transform you into the likeness of his Son. This is the context in which he works, and in which he meets your specific needs. He doesn't see your healing as an end in itself, but as part of this overall process. As with Lazarus, he may defy your expectations, delay his action, act in ways contrary to what you think he should do, because in the end he is after something of value far greater than even your healing, or provision, or deliverance. As Peter puts it in 1 Peter 1:6-7 (slightly paraphrased by me):

"...for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials [because God is doing things you didn't expect]. These [unexpected situations] have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Likewise, James writes in James 1:2-4 (equally paraphrased by me):

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face [unexpected situations], because you know that the testing of your faith [when God acts 'outside of the box'] develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

And, in finishing, Philippians 1:6, as translated by The Amplified Bible, provides the important context within which God is working in your life:

"And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you."

Song - Cover Me

Before I share my next post with you, I first want to share a song that my friend, David McNair, shared with me this morning. It's a beautiful worship song, sung by Mark Scutt, called "Cover Me." I trust you will enjoy this time of worship, just as I did this morning.

Listen to the Song - "Cover Me"

Facing the Adverse

I've been "offline" for the last week, due to illness. But that doesn't mean I've been "offline" spiritually. Indeed, it's been a very eventful week, one packed with God's grace, and with more than a few lessons learned from the Master.

As you know, the Gospel means the "good news". But that good news is against a backdrop of bad news. It is only when we understand the bad news of our spiritual predicament that we can appreciate and embrace the good news that the Gospel has to offer. That's why understanding that we are a sinner in need of God's grace is the precursor to receiving the grace of salvation. In the same way, it is when we experience the "bad news" of adverse circumstances that we can experience in greater depth the "good news" of God's grace on a daily basis.

On Monday, I began to experience abdominal problems, all the classic symptoms of a bowel obstruction similar to the one that sent me to hospital earlier in January. I immediately began asking the Lord for his help and protection, because the last thing I wanted was to be admitted to hospital again. Yet the symptoms continued to intensify. By Tuesday afternoon, I was unable to eat or drink without immediately bringing it up again, and by the next morning I was seriously dehydrated. At that point, I decided it was wise to go to the hospital, and so on Wednesday morning I admitted myself to Box Hill Hospital.

This was an extremely difficult decision for me to make. As I was preparing to go, Elena came up and hugged me and I began weeping. I was feeling very discouraged (a little of an understatement). "Don't worry," Elena said to me. "God is in control. He is faithful. And this is what faith is all about...facing the tough times with him. Trusting him no matter what."

Elena's words were a great encouragement to me, for in my heart, I felt somewhat abandoned. In John 14:8, during a time of great grief, Jesus encouraged his disciples with these words:

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

The feeling the disciples had at the time was one of abandonment. Jesus had declared that he would soon be leaving them. In John 17:5-7, he had told them:

"Now I am going to him who sent me, yet none of you asks me, 'Where are you going?' Because I have said these things, you are filled with grief. But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counsellor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you."

It was in response to this "bad news" (that he was going away) that Jesus introduced the "good news" (that he would send another Counsellor - the Holy Spirit). And although they didn't know it at the time, the good news far eclipsed the bad news, for Jesus was bold enough to say, "It is for your good that I am going away!"

But when we are facing the grief of apparent abandonment, it doesn't feel that way. It can actually feel like God has let you down, and that was what I was feeling as Elena got ready to drive me to the hospital. It was not just going to the hospital itself, which seemed like a backward step in my walk of faith, but it was the fear of having to go through what I went through the last time I was in hospital - particularly the insertion of the nasogastric tube, which I must say for me is a fear bordering on outright phobia. Yet as I was being driven to the hospital, I committed everything to the Lord. Despite the negative emotions, I declared that I trusted the Lord - this was quite literally a declaration to God devoid of any emotional foundation. It was faith, I guess, in its purest sense: I have no reason to trust you, Lord, except that you are trustworthy. I have no reason to have faith in you, except that you are faithful. So I choose to have faith in you.

I was admitted to the hospital's oncology wing, and they inserted an intravenous drip (which was a horrific exercise in itself, due to the fact that I was so dehydrated - they had great difficulty find a vein), but eventually I settled in and began getting fluids into my body, which was a big leap forward. I went for a series of X-rays, in order to determine the cause of the problem, and I basically rested the remainder of the day.

That night I couldn't sleep much (probably since they were giving me steroids to help strengthen the stomach and reduce the tumour size). That always disrupts my sleeping patterns. But in the middle of the night, about 3 am I think, I was talking with the Lord and he was reminding me of some of the posts I have written, particularly the most recent one (the last post I wrote before coming into hospital, called "The Jehoshaphat Strategy"). As always, the Lord has a unique timing in the way he shares things with me, and this message from 2 Chronicles 20 was, not surprisingly, in preparation for the very thing I was about to face later in the week!

And so the Lord challenged me to put it into practice. I began singing quietly, worshipping the Lord on my hospital bed. I remember in particular singing that simple but beautiful song, "Exalt the Lord Our God." It goes like this:

Exalt the Lord our God
Exalt the Lord our God
And worship at His footstool
Worship at His footstool
Holy is He
Holy is He

From there, I began to sing another favourite worship song of mine (one that is almost like a theme song for my life). It goes like this:

I lift my hands to the coming King
To the Great I Am, His praise I sing
For you're the One who reins within my heart
(x2)
And I will serve no foreign gods
Or any other treasure
You are my heart's desire
Spirit without measure
Unto you I will lift my sacrifice

If you would like to hear my personal rendition of these two songs, click on the following links:

Exalt the Lord our God
I Lift My Hands to the Coming King

As I sang in simple worship to the Lord, I felt the burden of my grief and the sense of abandonment go (I'd already expressed faith to the Lord, without emotion, but now the emotional element was beginning to catch up with my faith). I felt like I was now putting the Jehoshaphat Strategy into practice - marching out to the face the enemies of fear and abandonment with the worship of God on my lips. And at that point, the Lord began to minister deeply to me. I knew once again, with deep conviction, that God was in charge and that he would pull me through this crisis.

The next day, the X-ray report came back showing no obvious points of blockage (later the doctors determined that there had been a minor obstruction, but that since I had already been fasting for 36 hours prior to coming into the hospital, and with continued fasting while I was there, the blockage had cleared itself naturally - see the Prayer Firewall post, "Update - Bowel Obstruction Cleared" for further details). This was the best news I could have possibly received. It took another 36 hours before I was finally released from hospital, since I had to get back on food and liquid gradually, but eventually I was discharged on Friday evening. What a joy it was to walk out of the hospital back into freedom again!

As always, as we face adverse circumstances we are transformed in the process. This is the nature of the walk of faith, and I definitely experienced it this last week. I can say that the David who came out of hospital on Friday was very different from the one who went in on Wednesday. It may just be little things, but those little things are significant all the same. My faith in the Lord has matured, and this is something I now take with me as I continue to walk this journey of faith.

It's at times of crisis that the word "hope" is particularly important. Rebecca, my sister, shared Psalm 119:49-50 with me, and this really sums up my experience over the last week:

"Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life."

In Romans 4:18, Paul tells us:

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations..."

That was my experience this week. It was an "against all hope" situation, but within that the Lord challenged me to believe "in hope". This was not a matter of trying to stir myself to "have faith" anyway. It was almost a "what else can I do but believe in you, Lord?" Just like when the disciples experienced the crisis of faith in John 6:60-66, my response was the same as Peter's in verses 68-69:

"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

What adverse circumstances are you facing right now? These circumstances - the "bad news" - are the backdrop against which God will reveal the "good news" of his grace and victory. I'm praying that you, like Abraham, will also be able to declare:

"Against all hope, in hope I believe!"

Announcement - David has gone into hospital...

David was admitted to hospital on Wednesday night with suspected bowel obstruction. Please refer to the Prayer Firewall Blog for updates. (Posted by Phyllis Lau on behalf of the Collins Family.)

Prayer Request

Please pray for David. He is experiencing another bowel obstruction, similar to that which sent him into hospital two weeks ago, and at the moment cannot eat or drink, while he waits for the blockage to clear.

He is praying that the Lord will intervene miraculously at this time, without the need to be admitted to hospital. Thank you for joining him in prayer.