The Words of Life

This last two weeks have been an incredible time for me -- both in terms of faith and experiencing God's mercy and grace. I've had my share of discouragement at times, though, as I've been bedridden with potential bowel obstructions, but the doctors and palliative care nurses have set things up so that I can stay at home, rather than be admitted to hospital, if things aren't too serious. I now have an IV saline drip at home (if my stomach or bowels become blocked), which keeps me hydrated, and this makes a wonderful difference.

I want to share my experience this last week from both the negative and the positive, because this is very much part of the walk I'm experiencing. There have been times when pain and discomfort has been so great, along with a total weakness of body, that I can barely move. And yet in these times, I've also experienced God's grace in ways impossible otherwise.

One of the things I've been asking the Lord for, throughout my experience, is clarity -- the clarity of His Word spoken into my life. You know, you can face anything as long as you know that the Lord is with you and that you are walking with Him. That's the feeling that I had. What counts for me, more than anything else, is to know that I am "on track" with Him, walking the same path that He is. Psalm 23 bears this out in verses 4-5, when it says:

"[My shepherd] guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

I knew that I would fear no evil, in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death, as long as I knew my Shepherd was walking the same path with me, and that his rod and staff (symbols of His Word and discipline) were with me, keeping me on track.

At one point, Jesus spoke to some very despondent disciples, in John 6:63, with these words:

"The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life."

Later, in John 6:68-69, when asked if they would turn aside from following Jesus because of the "hardness" of what He had said (and their own difficulty in handling the experience), Peter's response was:

"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

And so, as I was experiencing some suffering at one point, I responded to the Lord in the same way and cried out to the Lord for His voice -- His rod and staff -- to comfort me with clarity and direction. Immediately, as I was skimming through the Bible, my hand stopped at a particular passage in Job 1:20-22:

"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.' In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."

Talk about clarity! This was exactly where I was with the Lord on the "path of righteousness" He had called me to walk with Him. I had right then been saying to the Lord, "Why, Father, do I have to repeat this suffering time and again? What is the value in endless repetition? It seems like at times like this you just sit back and watch, you don't intervene, why?"

My response to Job's attitude in Job 1:22, I declared to the Lord, "In all this, Lord, I charge you with no wrongdoing. You are totally righteous in all your ways. You are the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows (James 1:17). You are my Rock, my righteousness, the ever-faithful God." And this became my recurring thought throughout each time of pain and suffering. And I noticed that when the inner attitude changed, the outer circumstances followed suit.

God began to speak in other ways, too, bringing clarity, encouragement and focus. Sometimes I was too weak to read the Bible myself, but family members would read passages of Scripture. Here's just one example from John 11:21-26:

"'Lord,' Martha said to Jesus, 'if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.' Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise again.' Martha answered, 'I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.' Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'"

There is so much richness in this exchange between Martha and Jesus (especially if you've been following me in previous posts - see Video - The Lazarus Lesson and Outside of the Box). But for me, this became the focus of the Lord's word into my life. His promise was not simply about a future day when I would be raised back to life; even here and now, at the point of death, Jesus is for me the resurrection and the life. And this was where my faith became focused.

Each time I felt total weakness, even despondency, I would declare to the Lord that He is my resurrection and He is my life. This shifted my focus from myself, so easy to happen when you're going through suffering, to the Lord Himself. Instead of finding myself in a "black hole" of despair, I would begin to experience the presence of the Lord in richer ways. And so, at that time, one more of my Father's words -- from Nehemiah 8:10 -- became "Spirit and life" for me:

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."